This Time of Year
by CassandraChristine
Summary: Er...What if Nate and the Warden had a history? What if they had a future? Kind of the whole idea. F!Cousland/Nathaniel. Crap summary, because I don't know how to do it with out ruining it. Read it if you want, I hope it's not crap.


**So...Another Dragon Age story! This is way more fun then actually paying attention in school...lol**

**Er...Kind of fun idea to mess around with**

**Warning: I don't own Dragon Age, but I will one day own Alistair, and do dirty things to him ;D**

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><p>Touching the bracelet on her wrist, she watched the sun fight the stain glass window, bathing the coarse white sheets in a green and yellow light. At her back was a motionless body, something familiar yet foriegn. She listened to Nathaniel breath, neither speaking yet deep in a tense conversation. She nuzzled her pillow, still tired. It was just breaking dawn, and she was supposed to be alone. Nathaniel usually was up and out before the sun even woke. His presence this late in bed confused her. He was and always had been a creature of habit. She had known him most of her life, and she knew all his quirky habits. But that was expected of one's wife, not that their marriage was a happy one. In fact, she hadn't properly looked at his face since the vows were taken.<p>

She remembered the two of them as teenagers, so deep in lust and blooming love. It hurt her deeply, much deeper then her love for him, that he despised her for what she had done to his father even though she ahd lost so much more. Deciding she couldn't pretend to sleep any longer, she sat up. Shivering from the cold, she reached towards her night gown at the end of the bed, aching from stress and fighting.

"Happy birthday, Ella." He spoke, startling her. She looked at him, his eyes avoiding hers. He was on his back, hands folded over his stomach. He looked uncomfortable, vulnerable. He looked like the old Nathaniel. His words sunk in, and she realized that it was indeed her birthday. She looked at the window, the sun finally winning the battle. She had one less year of thirty to live, and she had spent it depressed and so cold.

"Ella, I want to be better. I don't want to stare at your back anymore." He spoke again, in a quiet voice, matching her thoughts. She laid back on the bed beside him, their shoulders touching. She looked over at him, really looked at him, and he met her gaze. She had missed being able to do that. And for once, he wasn't looking at her in anger. He looked just as sad and lonely as she felt. Their hands found each other on the coverlet, and she felt content. They laid there in silence for awhile before he spoke again. "Do remember that summer I spent at Highever? Those days we'd go down to the river, sunbathing?"He questioned. She gave a snort of laughter.

"Sunbathing? Ha. More like you attempting to get me out of my small clothes and I playing hard to get." She mused, ending with a fond sigh.

"You didn't hold out for very long." He replied with his own snort. She gave him a dirty look to which he smirked back in return. "I remember those coy little looks you'd send me. Don't play daft. You loved the chase just as much as I did. Maybe even more." He jibed lightly.

"I doubt anyone could enjoy it more than you, Nathaniel." She looked at him, his eyes closed with a small smile on his face. He looked younger, happier, then. She remembered why she had started to fall for him those many summers ago, and sighed. At the sad noise, he looked at her. "I don't want to do this anymore, Nate." She told him honestly.

"We could get an annulment. We're still early enough in the marriage to do that." He suggested. She searched his eyes for some sign of regret. She didn't have to look hard.

"Is that what you want?" She inquired. He paused in thought.

"No. But if that's what you want..."He trailed off in question, waiting for her. She frowned, shaking her head.

"It's not." She said honestly. He looked relieved.

"That's good." He breathed, looking away slowly.

"I just..." She struggled to put her feelings in to words. "I just don't want to waste my...our few years left hating each other." She said finally.

"I know. It's my fault." Nate replied quietly. She shook her head.

"Not just you. I didn't help either." She disagreed.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. She turned on her side and gently kissed his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, too." She agreed. They were quiet for a time. She rest her cheek on his shoulder and he rested his check on her hair. "Remember all the plans we had? All those dreams?" She asked with a thoughtful voice.

"The small wedding, the trips to Orlais and Nevarra." He mused. She sighed dreamily.

"To think we were so bright and young once."

"We haven't changed that much." He protested.

"We have." She disagreed. "Just look at our skin." She spoke softly, touching his side. He twitched when her fingers touched an arrow wound just healed. "We'll never be like that again." He turned on his side, looping his arms around her. She pressed her hands to his chest, looking up at him through her bangs.

"I still find you just as beautiful. Maybe more so." He lightly touched her cheek, eyes drifting over the pale scar.

"I still feel safe." She gave him a smile. "I remember the days I'd spend right here. You always chased my worries away."

"I wish we could go back." He whispered, hiding his saddened eyes in her shoulder. "I wish I wouldn't never left. Father played me." He spoke bitterly, tightening his arms around her waist. She hugged him back, sighing again.

"I don't blame you. I never will." She murmured, soothingly stroking his hair. They were silent for a long time. "We should take a vacation." She spoke suddenly.

"What?" He pulled back, staring at her.

"We still have a honeymoon." She said. He blinked a few times. "We need a break, Nate." She murmured tiredly.

"Where will we go?" He questioned, hesitant.

"I thought that was obvious." She smiled at him warmly. "Nevarra is always pretty this time of year."


End file.
